What I Live For

Months and months ago, my mother asked me what were my five most important things in life. She told me hers, and it went something along the lines of wealth, family, happiness, health and something else, in no particular order.

At the time, I couldn't think of anything. Mostly because I was going through a sort of depressive period, and nothing was really getting through to me at all.

But now that I'm 19 (yes, I will get around to posting the countdown, I haven't forgotten about it!), I've grown up a lot since then, and I've learned a lot about myself and how I want to live my life, what I want to think and what's really important to me.

So here is my top five most important things/ways of thinking/I'm not even sure what to call them:

1. Aspirations. Insatiable goals, impossible affections. – to strive towards dreams, have motivation and work for a purpose, live passionately.
2. Freedom to happiness. Without restraints or regrets. – to live without having regrets, without fear and with the resources to do what i want
3. Conviction. Belief and hope. – to believe that there are better things to come, life is wonderful and everything will work out.
4. Strength. 自信 and actions. – to have confidence that I can do anything, and have confidence in my abilities.
5. Productivity. Create and inspire – to have a positive impact on the world, on others and to create things with my own hands.

There you go! As for my update:

• It's the second week of semester and I'm a week behind in two classes already. But I think it's worth it, even if I have to cram 30 hours in two days later. I'd rather grow old with great memories of hanging out with friends and having fun than a perfect gpa. (That being said, I still get straight As (literally), so I'm not saying not to study - I do. I just don't go to the actual class [there are recordings])
• I spend the majority of my time in the printing office in the Uni library - don't worry, it's not weird or anything lol, my friend works there. So I help out with the binding and stuff. Sadly, most of my other friends are really busy this semester, working, or not even showing up. One of them even dropped out. But everyone has their own path, I'll be fine.
• I'm content. Really, there's nothing else to say. I have food in the fridge, a place to live, friends that like me, interests that consume me, work that motivates me and dreams that give me hope. There's not much else I can ask for.

Quietly Quietly

Quietly quietly. A passion inward that is unseen. Between shocks of black, blonde, tawny violet, these colors framed by mistake.

Another rotation spins round and round, messages too common to repeat. Instead "bloom and glory forever", and never may they fade.

So many changes, by what name and cause, what river, what ocean, from which they stream, a tragedy by any other name.

Books and books, pages and pages, the scrawls of "your geniuses" and carbon copies. Ideas and hopes to die for.

Star light, star bright, purple towels and black guitars. No shooting ones, but does this by my hand count as a wish? I'll try.

Pages and pages, stacks and stacks, the quiet broken by my laughs and sighs. I'll run to you to find solace and peace, a page to ease my heart.

I'll find myself in "real places", dusty tomes and uneven edges, on a bright screen with foreign letters and in the notes of a screeching guitar.

Because when you grow up, you learn to like who you are.

[Day -14] Monday 11th July: It's Not Worth The Heartache

Take a step back.

I dyed my hair again today. It was a very productive day.

I turned the entire bathroom purple.

Picture: Ryutaro Arimura

Plastic Tree - Zero Photobook



[Day -15] Sunday 10th July: So Fuck It

But a part of me can't help but feel that I'm on the right road, and I'm taking the right steps. I know where I'm going.

Insatiable goals, impossible affections.

Picture: Ryutaro Arimura

Plastic Tree

[Day -16] Saturday 9th July: Idea

It occured to me (while further damaging my now-purple hair), that it's the journey that counts.
Why is it that cliched phrases never hold any sense to me until I discover them myself?

Photo: Ryutarou Arimura

Plastic Tree - Ammonite Live House Tour photobook.

Resonating Ideas.

• The marathon runner who watches his competition will inevitably run into a tree.
• The stick which flows with the current is swifter.
• See everything from the other person's perspective.
• Shape yourself by becoming who you picture yourself to be.
• Only some people can pull it off. You are one of them.
• You are only young once. Do not have regrets.
• If you do not do it, you will regret it.
• If you keep trying, day by day you will improve and one day become something great.
• Do a little bit more today than yesterday.
• This is how I want to live in this lifetime.
• I believe.

[Day -17] Friday 8th July: Resonance

In order to record my 19th year (as in, the year in which I am the age of 19), I plan to write something every day, until the 24th of July 2012. However, considering that it is not yet the 24th, I'm going to start with a negative countdown. (And if the countdown is screwed up, I did it on purpose that way, so keep your silence!)

Begin!

I want an idea that resonates in my very soul.

Picture: Ryutaro Arimura
Plastic Tree
Boukyaku Monologue Photobook.

[Day -18] Thursday 7th July: From That Day I Stayed At Home And Watched TV All Day

This is your strength.

(and yes, I am a little bit ashamed of spending all day watching TV)

Picture: Antm Season 15 (Ann Ward) - Patrick Demarchelier