Stress Stress Stress

Lately I am feeling very deflated. In fact, almost picturesquely so since my posture has also gotten a lot worse.

Most of it has to do with my bad habit of skipping classes and then having to cram right before tests (which I am doing now) - academic pressure I suppose. On the other hand though, it's also small things - stuff like not being able to get the rhythm right on a song I'm trying to play, not eating right, sleeping right or not having saved as much money as I would have hoped by this stage. Also, I got an appalling grade for a recent assignment.

Little unrelated things that all work together to sort of drag you down further and further. Until something comes along and you nearly explode at it.

Like the leather passport wallet I bought for the end of the year, which came in the mail today, and isn't leather at all.

I was really looking forward to it too. : (

So what to do? I called a friend and ranted and raged for a bit. Of course, it solved none of my problems.

But things always work out in the end.
Do all that you can, and accept the things you can't change - I paraphrase the sermon.

Also I am told, that it helps if you imagine yourself five years from now - all your current troubles will fall away.

Tomorrow I will take my assignment to my tutor and do exercises for the tests that I have coming up, hopefully I'll also get a reply from the place I bought the leather wallet from.
As for now, I think I'll read some Kirkegaard.

Photo credit: http://www.gadgetgrow.jp/html/gallery/index.shtml
Arimura Ryutaro for Gadget Grow

[Because I know the majority of people who stumble across this place only stop by for the pictures ^^]

[Day -14] Monday 11th July: It's Not Worth The Heartache

Take a step back.

I dyed my hair again today. It was a very productive day.

I turned the entire bathroom purple.

Picture: Ryutaro Arimura

Plastic Tree - Zero Photobook



[Day -15] Sunday 10th July: So Fuck It

But a part of me can't help but feel that I'm on the right road, and I'm taking the right steps. I know where I'm going.

Insatiable goals, impossible affections.

Picture: Ryutaro Arimura

Plastic Tree

[Day -16] Saturday 9th July: Idea

It occured to me (while further damaging my now-purple hair), that it's the journey that counts.
Why is it that cliched phrases never hold any sense to me until I discover them myself?

Photo: Ryutarou Arimura

Plastic Tree - Ammonite Live House Tour photobook.

[Day -17] Friday 8th July: Resonance

In order to record my 19th year (as in, the year in which I am the age of 19), I plan to write something every day, until the 24th of July 2012. However, considering that it is not yet the 24th, I'm going to start with a negative countdown. (And if the countdown is screwed up, I did it on purpose that way, so keep your silence!)

Begin!

I want an idea that resonates in my very soul.

Picture: Ryutaro Arimura
Plastic Tree
Boukyaku Monologue Photobook.

Organic

Hair bleach and

collarbones

Buses and smoke like

watermelon

Lights on a bridge

where there used to be trees.

[I want to love organic.]

Picture: mine.
"I want to love organic" from Closer - Plastic Tree.

"On The Roof Of A 13-Floor Building, I Closed My Eyes And Talked With God"

Reckless
In a brash and loud and colorful way, that fades when the numbers pile up

But if for example, we were reckless
nothing would change
because we're quiet rebels.

Why is it that I like high places
and the smoke curling from the end of a bad influence.

It's not like I believe in anything

though,
I want to stand on a rooftop
and watch everything move

Maybe I'd find
when
"On the roof of 13-floor building, I closed my eyes and talked with God"
It's just me, talking to myself.

Based on a quotation from
Panorama - Plastic Tree

You'll Gather Them When No One Is Looking

It happens, from time to time. Something unpleasant that rips open old memories, or rips open new wounds, that feels like it's slapped you, stinging, across the face.

But that's ok. You have coping mechanisms. Eating ice cream. Watching the birds. Listening to music.

They don't take the pain away, but they can dull it, just a little. Enough for it to be bearable, enough for you to pretend you are ok. They can hold it back just long enough, until you can quietly pick up the pieces when no one is watching you.

And you'll pause over each piece. You'll remember how you laughed on that day, or how you smiled when such and such happened. Sometimes those pieces don't exist yet. But they are still memories, even if they are fairy-stories you made in your mind.

And then, you will quietly, quietly, put the pieces aside, until you have a little pile.

And you'll see that the pile isn't really so big after all. Not all-consuming like you thought it was.
It's such a shame. They were beautiful memories. When did they fade and dull and become so small?

But slowly, you will make progress. Each small piece will be delicately placed in the pile when you are ready. Sometimes you'll pick one up and turn it over in your hands and marvel at the way it used to make you feel.
It doesn't quite feel the same anymore, does it?

But that's ok. You'll gather them slowly, slowly, at your own pace. You'll gather them when no one is looking, and you'll get stronger because those pieces are heavy and painful.

And it will be so quiet that only you will hear the sounds.

Picture:
有村　竜太郎
プラスティック・トゥリー

"Yes, I Will Pick It Up Tomorrow."

Tomorrow is the day I buy my Epiphone.

みらいいろ/ Mirai Iro
プラスティック・トゥリー/ Plastic Tree

Epiphone v Gibson

Plastic Tree - Hanamoete

Ryutaro Arimura

The fact that he plays an Epiphone Dot-335, and not only the Gibson ES-335 makes me respect him even more.

プラスティック・トゥリー　「花燃えて」
有村竜太郎

EDIT: My bad, that's an Epiphone Casino. Point still stands. He can play a Gibson, but he goes with Epiphone. Good man.