Ideas

Isn't it interesting that men would live and die for an idea?

That every invention is the result of an idea.

That until they are realised, our dreams are just ideas.

That we want to manipulate other's ideas, but can never really control our own.

That we can delude ourselves, free ourselves, enslave ourselves, fix ourselves and break ourselves with just an idea.

You Only Have This One Life To Reach Your Dreams

Sometimes I wonder how true it is that I can never become truly great at something that I'm utterly talentless in.

Don't you sometimes wonder, what would happen if you really did sing non-stop for years and years? Surely with so much practise, you'd be at least better than where you are now? Maybe not world-class, maybe not famous, maybe not enough to win a reality show, but what if? Maybe if you worked hard enough, for long enough, really want it enough - maybe natural talent isn't as important as you think.

Ah, but then you also sometimes get those people that say "even if you believe it, it's not possible".

I don't know. Maybe because I was born with an inborn hatred of advice and should do this, should do that, don't do this, can't do that. But it really irks me to hear that.

Yes, so maybe belief isn't what makes it work. But hours and hours of work and sweat and effort and heart have got to mean something. Don't you think it would be impossible to practice for hours without getting slightly better? How about years? Have you ever heard of someone who sings with all their heart for years and is still no good??

Just refuse it. Your life is down to you anyway. If you want to believe in something, damn well do it and forget whether you should or not, or whether it will yield results. After all, if you believe it hard enough, work hard enough, I think you'll hear a difference in how you sound - even if no one else does. And while that might not be enough to win a show, isn't that enough to secure a little happiness for yourself?

If you think about it, I think the believing that it's possible is also a form of believing in yourself.
A unbridled sense of the world is mine and I can be me.

So yes, I'll probably keep ruining the neighbours lives with my late-afternoon impromptu piano recitals. Probably keep strumming on my guitar and singing in my room even though I know I have the rhythm of a half-tranqed deer.

I don't really want to be a musician.
But sometimes it's nice to just believe that I can.

I like to think that thus far, I've been able to hold on to the wide open expanses of "I can be whatever I want when I'm old" that belongs almost exclusively to children.
So many people grow up and realise that their dreams have fences and insurmountable walls.

But you don't.
Even if its a wild idea with nothing tangible to back it up, just try. Dream a little bit.
Don't worry anymore about it being pointless or impossible.

For all you know, you only have this one life to reach your dreams.

On Normality And Living Quietly - And Why It Shouldn't Be Attempted At All

I'm sure its quite clear, from my purple (and blonde-streaked) hair and taste in music and clothes and my interests and my tendency to do things on an impulse, that I am not quite normal.

But only in that I'm a straight-A over-achieving asian business student.
With purple (and blonde-streaked) hair.
And not-normal tastes in music and clothes and interests.
Who's impulsive.

I'm not quite the stereotypical teenager who parties and drinks.
I'm not quite the rebelling teenager who has safety pins in their ears.
And I'm not quite the asian kid either.

The thing is, for the most part of my life, my dad has been trying to get me to conform to this idea of normality. Just yesterday, he came and told me that I shouldn't have dyed my hair blonde (funny he never noticed when it was purple).
"You should live quietly, don't stand out and be a target. Live peacefully and without drawing attention, don't dress strangely and just do what you are supposed to."

There's something so disturbingly wrong about that advice.
Not only is it just ludicrous, almost telling your child not to excel in any way - just to live quietly.
What does that even mean?

I'm hoping he doesn't mean a cute little quiet bambi-esque tottering fool of a stereotypical asian girl who posts a bajillion pictures of desserts and themselves on facebook, gets good grades, has a boringly unexciting part time job until they graduate from their degree as fast as possible (with no exchanges, honors or worthwhile experiences). After which they'll work at a bank or mid-sized accounting firm until they find a nice asian boy who will marry her and look after her while she stays home and has children and looks after the children.

However, I have irrefutable proof that at the very least, he means a docile asian girl who gets good grades and etc etc etc.

I don't really know what the best way to respond to this is.
I mean, there are so many glaringly obvious stupid things in what he wants.
And I'll leave docile to the end.

• Get good grades
• I get good grades because I have pride in my actions and myself as a person, not because it's something that I should do. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it well - no half measures. You should get good grades because you want them, not because it's something you ought to do. Similarly, you should do things because you want to, not because you ought to.

• Have a boringly unexciting part time job
• I do have a part-time job. I work in a mid-high end jewellery shop on the main street next to Louis Vuitton and Gucci. That is not a boringly unexciting part time job. When I was 18 or so, he started nagging me to get a job. He suggested McDonalds and Foodtown, even local takeaways. And when I refused, he told me I was stubborn and that I should take any opportunities I had. Two weeks or so later, I broke a chain and ended up with this job. I made my own opportunities. Don't settle. Make your own opportunities.

• Graduate from a degree as fast as possible (with no exchanges, honors or worthwhile experiences)
• He doesn't know this, but I'm doing a conjoint degree with four majors. I'm hopefully going on a one-month exchange to Tokyo University in summer, and after that, a one year exchange to Keio University. And even with all of this, I will graduate at the same time as my peers because I take 5 papers a semester and I do summer school. I have made new friends and I have made old friends again. I have had revelations, admirations, epiphanies (and epiphones!) and I have worked my ass off for all of it. Do as much as you can.

• Work at a bank or mid-sized accounting firm:
• Fuck it. Every time I hear a person say that they've worked the same job for more than 4 years, some part of me shudders with horror. They don't love it. They spend their lives doing it. And much more often than not, it's for the benefit of someone else - a corporation, a boss, a manager. I want to work for myself - not in a self-owned business way, but in a "fulfilling my dreams" kind of way. What if we never have another chance at this? What if this one life is all you have? I refuse to spend it in any way other than exactly how I want.

• Find a nice asian boy 
• How about find someone who is engaging and honest? Someone whos' company makes you happy and whos' jokes makes you smile? He doesn't have to be cookie-cutter nice. I don't care if he has tattoos or long hair or is a total dead-beat artist on the street - as long as he is a genuinely decent person who has a nice personality, and tries to look after you, that's more than enough. And no, I don't care if he is asian. And nor should you.

• Get married and be looked after, stay home, have children and look after them.
• This is just stupid, and sadly not in the least exaggerated. What century do you live in? I don't mind getting married, or being looked after - but come on. Marriage is not the only thing that girls aim for. When we get married, it doesn't mean that we are suddenly completely content with everything. Marriage changes nothing in terms of aspirations - at least for me. And even if I had children, I will have insatiable goals my entire life. 

And finally, being docile, being unexceptional, living quietly.

I'm afraid the greatest counter-argument to this is possibly an ad-hominem. I do not want to be unexceptional because you are unexceptional. You have nothing to live for and you pass your days in quiet acceptance that somewhere along the way, your dreams collapsed like a house of cards and it's too late to rebuild it all again.

But I like standing out. I like being myself. I like it when my middle-aged japanese teacher (who comes from a country where the unspoken motto is "the nail that sticks up will get hammered down") tells me that she likes my hair and asks if I do it myself.

I am not ashamed of myself. I am not afraid to stand out. If anyone truly judges me for what I look like or how I dress, then they are not worth  meeting - and yet, if we are given the chance to meet. I am sure that I can change their opinion of me. I have nothing to hide. I am unashamedly myself, and it is unbelievably sad if you cannot say the same.

Where are your dreams? Where are your ambitions?
I will not give up on what I believe in. And I will never stop trying, never stop encouraging everyone around me to try, please try, to be exactly who you want to be.

And if, by some chance, my purple hair and eccentric tastes can encourage others to live LOUDLY and without any HESITATION, then that is worth more to me than any approval you could ever give me.

So no, I will not dye my hair black.
I will not live quietly.
I will stand out and be a target.
I will not live peacefully.
I will draw attention.
I will dress however the hell I want.
And I will do whatever the fuck I want - whether I am supposed to or not.

Dear Mom

I found a good quote today.

“We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once”.

It means something like: every day that we do not dance is a day that we have wasted.

But dance does not mean to dance to music. It means to live, enjoy and be happy.

Please do not always always think of [insert name here] while you are on your trip. He would want you to enjoy yourself.

In the future, you will definitely go on another trip together, but until then, no matter the sad things in life, you should dance every day!

There are many things that you cannot control or change.

But if you always think about what you do not have, what you cannot do, what you wish you had, life becomes very painful and heavy to carry.

Sometimes looking on the bright side or counting what you have does not help.

Instead, maybe you should think that “I am the sum of my experiences”

Every bad thing that has happened to me has changed me, made me who I am at this moment, so I am grateful.

Without those bad things, I would not be who I am today.

Who I am today is a Good Person.

If bad things happen to you, just think – maybe they are here so that you can become a better person.

Or maybe as a test to see how you will react.

Think, “if my life were a book, what kind of story do I want to tell?”

I don’t know why I wrote that for you.

I seem to think about these things a lot these days.

Try to have fun on your trip, I will see you when you get home!!

What Kind Of Music Do You Want To Make?

Imagine if, for example, your appearance and your words are a kind of music.

What kind of music do you want to make?

Become who you are - Nietzsche.

Plastic Tree - Gessekai
Credit: MusicJapanPlus.

What I Live For

Months and months ago, my mother asked me what were my five most important things in life. She told me hers, and it went something along the lines of wealth, family, happiness, health and something else, in no particular order.

At the time, I couldn't think of anything. Mostly because I was going through a sort of depressive period, and nothing was really getting through to me at all.

But now that I'm 19 (yes, I will get around to posting the countdown, I haven't forgotten about it!), I've grown up a lot since then, and I've learned a lot about myself and how I want to live my life, what I want to think and what's really important to me.

So here is my top five most important things/ways of thinking/I'm not even sure what to call them:

1. Aspirations. Insatiable goals, impossible affections. – to strive towards dreams, have motivation and work for a purpose, live passionately.
2. Freedom to happiness. Without restraints or regrets. – to live without having regrets, without fear and with the resources to do what i want
3. Conviction. Belief and hope. – to believe that there are better things to come, life is wonderful and everything will work out.
4. Strength. 自信 and actions. – to have confidence that I can do anything, and have confidence in my abilities.
5. Productivity. Create and inspire – to have a positive impact on the world, on others and to create things with my own hands.

There you go! As for my update:

• It's the second week of semester and I'm a week behind in two classes already. But I think it's worth it, even if I have to cram 30 hours in two days later. I'd rather grow old with great memories of hanging out with friends and having fun than a perfect gpa. (That being said, I still get straight As (literally), so I'm not saying not to study - I do. I just don't go to the actual class [there are recordings])
• I spend the majority of my time in the printing office in the Uni library - don't worry, it's not weird or anything lol, my friend works there. So I help out with the binding and stuff. Sadly, most of my other friends are really busy this semester, working, or not even showing up. One of them even dropped out. But everyone has their own path, I'll be fine.
• I'm content. Really, there's nothing else to say. I have food in the fridge, a place to live, friends that like me, interests that consume me, work that motivates me and dreams that give me hope. There's not much else I can ask for.

Resonating Ideas.

• The marathon runner who watches his competition will inevitably run into a tree.
• The stick which flows with the current is swifter.
• See everything from the other person's perspective.
• Shape yourself by becoming who you picture yourself to be.
• Only some people can pull it off. You are one of them.
• You are only young once. Do not have regrets.
• If you do not do it, you will regret it.
• If you keep trying, day by day you will improve and one day become something great.
• Do a little bit more today than yesterday.
• This is how I want to live in this lifetime.
• I believe.