With "Want" and "Wish" In Their Eyes

When all your problems seem insurmountable and you're facing a giant wall of "why me" and self-pity,

There's someone else out there who would give almost anything to be you.

Might be the girl in your math class who's failing, might be the guy on that bus who's parents won't let him back home.

Might be the teacher who's lost his youth somewhere along the way, or the old lady on the street who has to go home to an empty house.

To them, maybe you stand on a platform higher than they, and they watch you with "want" and "wish" in their eyes.

Doesn't that put things into perspective?

Ask Me Seriously

Sometimes I wish time would stop because it's hard to realise that this moment is going to end and so will the next and the next and there is no forever.

Uruha - The GazettE

Maybe Slightly, Just A Little Bit Wonderful.

You look that way, and you like certain things.
You do reckless things and smoke all the time;
standing almost defiantly in higher spaces [because the out-of-the-way corner you liked got "renovated" away.]

You're kind of awkward sometimes,
I wonder if it's because of the way people sometimes give you funny looks.
I wonder if that's why you sometimes satirize yourself [don't] with that ironic twist of your mouth.
Sometimes I forget that you are, really, rather strange looking.

We're kinda the same.
Only really, we're not.
Because I'm not brave enough to be myself like you are yourself.
So I wear a pick necklace and old-band shirts, while you wear yours on your skin and breathe it out.

People give us funny looks.
Only, they're probably for different reasons.
But you still stand on your perch, with no remorse.
Because you are who you are.

And I think, you are the most interesting person I have ever met.
And that perhaps,
You are maybe slightly, just a little bit wonderful.

Someday, when I get around to it
I'll tell you.
Because I have never met a vegetarian metalhead, with dreadlocks and tattoos, and a masters in Philosophy, who works on questions in pubs, smokes like a chimney, wears a different band shirt every day of the week, and gives out 60/100 because its 2 in the morning and they can't be fucked marking wrong answers any more.

Screw what other people think of you.
You are brilliant.
And mine is the only opinion that matters.

Picture credits: unknown, sorry.

To Create Good Memories...

I want to do something special for my birthday this year.

I'll have a few weeks break around June - July, and my birthday is the weekend of the first week back at uni.
I'm thinking of going overseas. But I'm not sure what to do...

1. Dreamworld, waterfront hotels and smoking on beaches at night in Australia.
2. Working, saving, ESPs and poetic justice with PS Company Tour 2011 in Japan. (mid-July)
3. Midnight flights after exams, long-admired basses and Plastic Tree Summer Tour 2011 in Japan. (22 June)
4. Reliving things, shopping and awkward situations in China.
5. Redoing things properly, family and Chinatown in SF/LA in California.
6. New things, photography and cabs in New York.
7. Squandering time and money, meeting friends and smoking on beaches at night in Wellington, NZ.
8. Wasting money, "living it up while you can" and spinning statues in Auckland, NZ.

Or... no travelling??

1. Hotel room with all-night-long-movie-marathon and room service in the morning with friends.
2. Drinking and clubbing and losing my mind.
3. Practicing music until my fingers bleed and I can't feel these bones anymore.

New Years Eve 11:44pm 2010

Two years ago, I wished for happiness, last year I wished for no regrets. For the coming year, I want to improve. I want to become someone I am happy with. I want to improve everything.

I still procrastinate, I still feel sad. But slowly I hope to succeed beyond these traits.

I will do as much as I can, because that is all I can do.

Right now, I am tired and it is hard to think. Because this year was really wonderful (mosty), perhaps I am still clinging to it.

Next year, I want to turn around and say "I did well this year", and "I am satisfied with what I've accomplished".

Last year, I said I would no onger let life's opportunities pass me by, that I wanted to do something with my life. I said "Don't hesitate and Go, you only have one life, so live every day with no regrets."

Looking back, I am proud of what I have accomplished, of what I have learned, of who I have turned into. I studied well, I fell, it hurt, I got to work and I made some money. But above all, I made good memories.
Beautiful memories.

This year will be the next step:

DON'T HESITATE AND GO FORWARD.

Because each small step means no regrets, and improvement and becoming something better than what I am.

["don't hesitate and go" borrowed from Miyavi]

Assignments Are Kicking My Ass

*insert deeply resigned expression*

[Uruha]
The Gazette: Making of Shiikureta Haru, Kawarenu Haru

Epiphone Update

Yeah, no, the 'e' won't go back on.

xD

Epiphone v Gibson PART II

Haha. I knew this would happen eventually.

The "e" on my Epiphone's pickguard came off for the second time a few days ago, and it's come loose again.

It's a very common problem with the Dot in particular, and I saw it happen a lot when I was reading reviews and trying to decide which guitar to buy.

Well, personally I like the 'e'; although I know some people rip it off so their Dots will look more like ES 335s, but I don't get that. An Epiphone is an Epiphone, why try to make it look like something it isn't? I wanted the Epiphone more than the Gibson, same reason I want the Edwards/Grassroots more than the ESP.

Here's a long-winded explanation why:
You see, one day, while I was wandering around looking for a good coat last autumn, I ended up in a nice, rather swanky part of town. And in this part of town were nice cars. Very nice cars.
I turned a corner and there was a black Alfa Romeo Spider 1 turning the corner badly. Very badly.

Do you know why? There were learner plates on the thing.
Learner plates. On an Alfa.
ON an Alfa.
On an ALFA.
It's... just... why... you... just...
There are no words.

I know, I know, if you have the money, if you want it, just do it.
Which is fair enough...but...
Frankly, knowing that I'm not very good and buying a guitar is one thing, but knowing I'm not very good and buying an extremely expensive, rare, beautiful guitar is another.
I feel like I can't do it justice.

It's like buying a $50,000 Steinway Grand Piano when you can only play Greensleeves.
Or driving an Alfa Romeo Spider 1 when you're on your learner's license.
It's a waste of a beautiful thing.

I like the Dot. I like that I can't really play all that well, and sometimes it does that annoying buzzing thing when I don't bar properly. And I like knowing that the same thing would happen on the Gibson anyway, because it's all down to how I play it.

The instrument is only an instrument. If you're no good, no great instrument is going to make you any better. Trying to compensate with a great instrument is futile.
"Great artists can make beautiful art with even the worst of tools."
My dad told me that when I used to blame my violin (it was actually total shit though).

The Dot is good enough for me. One day, when I get really good, I might upgrade. But who knows? I like the Dot. It's very unassuming. It does its things quietly, without trying to live up to its older brother.
I'm quite proud it's a Dot, and not an ES 335.

Which is why my Dot is lying on my bed, with it's 'e' glued back on, and two books on it to try and flatten the damn thing because it keeps coming off on one end or another. (I switched to some binder clips because the books weren't working)

Fallacies 1 [Philosophy Test Practice]

"If you hate her so much, why are you watching her video?"
- Ad Hominem Circumstantial.

"Excuse me, but my IQ is 162, I'm a member of MENSA, I know what I'm talking about."
- Failure of Relevance (Even if it is relevant, it's implausible to assume that an IQ of 162 means that a person is able to definitively decide if a musical performance is good or not).

"This bitch has NO talent at all. Did u HEAR her in her performance?
So many people out there that play instruments and sing well yet this UGLY bitch is famous?"
- Ad Hominem Abusive.

From Youtube.
See? I was totally studying. And you thought I was just watching videos.

You'll Gather Them When No One Is Looking

It happens, from time to time. Something unpleasant that rips open old memories, or rips open new wounds, that feels like it's slapped you, stinging, across the face.

But that's ok. You have coping mechanisms. Eating ice cream. Watching the birds. Listening to music.

They don't take the pain away, but they can dull it, just a little. Enough for it to be bearable, enough for you to pretend you are ok. They can hold it back just long enough, until you can quietly pick up the pieces when no one is watching you.

And you'll pause over each piece. You'll remember how you laughed on that day, or how you smiled when such and such happened. Sometimes those pieces don't exist yet. But they are still memories, even if they are fairy-stories you made in your mind.

And then, you will quietly, quietly, put the pieces aside, until you have a little pile.

And you'll see that the pile isn't really so big after all. Not all-consuming like you thought it was.
It's such a shame. They were beautiful memories. When did they fade and dull and become so small?

But slowly, you will make progress. Each small piece will be delicately placed in the pile when you are ready. Sometimes you'll pick one up and turn it over in your hands and marvel at the way it used to make you feel.
It doesn't quite feel the same anymore, does it?

But that's ok. You'll gather them slowly, slowly, at your own pace. You'll gather them when no one is looking, and you'll get stronger because those pieces are heavy and painful.

And it will be so quiet that only you will hear the sounds.

Picture:
有村　竜太郎
プラスティック・トゥリー

Not Who You'd Think...

Of everyone in this video, I look up to the guy trying to fix the mike.
If I could be anyone, I'd be him.

MYV ROCKS DVD
雅-miyavi-

I Got My Epiphone

I got my Epiphone.
And a practice amp. And a hard case. And a stand. And the leads. And a tuner. And half a dozen straps. And picks.

I also swapped out the brass/yellow coloured knobs for black/silver ones.

It's stunning. Ridiculously heavy (or I just lack upper body strength), but stunning.
Even though my room is a shoebox, the hardcase is now behind my acoustic (in its case), and the Dot is on its stand (even though this means I can barely manoeuvre). It's the first thing I see when I enter my room.

Some friends and I drove to another part of our city to pick it up. It only took about 20 minutes to get there, I was surprised.
I made them listen to Nausea & Shudder and Local God by Everclear along the way.

The store was a lot smaller than the one I'm used to going to. I decided to go to this store because they already had the dot in store and I thought the road trip was a fun idea.
Also, I'm not sure why, but they gave me a better price than any of the other stores I called - even though the other stores are owned and managed by the same people. 

Either way, I'm satisfied, even though my fingers are burning from over-practise.